The banana muffins are baking in the oven and a delicious aroma wafts from the kitchen. And it calms my frayed nerves a little. The past few days have been trying professionally. Amongst other things, I have been really bothered and concerned dealing with the woes of women. This is not the most original thought but nevertheless one can’t help feeling that these days, a woman is most insecure/unsafe within the family or with a loved and trusted one. Day in and day out, one personally hears or gets informed from the media about women being tortured, abused and violated. Domestic violence is on a steep rise and so is crime against women. Rape, murder, kidnapping have become more common than the house sparrow. It galls, frustrates and lets one to think that somewhere, our social institutions are failing miserably. The socio-cultural lag has persisted for too long to be taken as just another process in the entire scheme of social transition. The sight of young women displaying sindoor, red bangles et al- all the possible symbols of marriage with a child held at the hip and springs of tears welling out of eyes narrating the horror tales of their in-laws home makes me nauseous now. And when the gory tale of misery unfolds for the nth time, I curse the institutions of marriage and family for failing yet again to measure up to the expectations and emotional demands of people. Being a student of social sciences notwithstanding, my short stint in this service has been gradually making me a non-believer of sorts in the very social institutions which sanctify a person’s existence in the society. A beloved betrayed, a wife deserted, a child uncared for and unattended to: incidents such as these occurring with alarming regularity don’t inspire one to have much faith in the existing social fabric. And when the mind is animated with cynicism and frustration, alternative models of live-in relationships, open marriages etc seem attractive.
In the last fortnight, I somehow go to watch a few superhero movies..Indian as well as English. Blessed with powers extraordinaire, the so- called super humans try to maintain the world order and check the anarchist and destructive intentions of the evil powers. Funnily enough, all of these movies have a similar theme. Evil is evil because it has been deprived of tender human emotions which are born and nurtured in a family; be it Voldemort, The green goblin or Skeletor. And our specially endowed superheroes are unfailingly good and kind and courageous for they have been cradled in love and affection. And that is what has made them different, made them special, given them stupendous powers. For the Harry Potters and Spidermen have been loved, have loved back and have lost their loved ones, they realize the value of emotional bonds and risk their very entities to ensure that the same are maintained. And when our superheroes are in mortal danger, it is always the unconditional love of the family/parents which helps them scrape through. Even our homegrown superman Krrish gets a new lease of life out of filial love in the recent edition of the movie series. Of course, all these movies are so much about stunts, technical imagery and mind blowing animations that we rarely notice the finer nuances crafted into them. However, it is a telling point that whatever be the era or the age or circumstance, family and the love that envelopes it can never really go out of fashion.
As students, we read numerous research papers, articles and even entire books committed to the institution of marriage and its natural corollary, family. Of course, there have been numerous debates and contentions, but everyone grudgingly agrees that we may manage without conventional marriages but we just cannot do away with the family. Therefore, it is particularly heart wrenching and distressing to note that now, families have become virtual hot spots of violence. Spouses sparring and warring with each other, children warring amongst themselves or with their parents to the extent of causing mortal harm have become routine. The love of the family which is supposed to light up the sky is actually just not there. All the fermented hate is threatening to burn the social and moral fibre. The sad part is that this sort of anomie, as depicted in all these superhero movies, will only spawn evil. For good to breed and blossom, we need our parents to teach themselves and their children what loving, caring and sharing is all about. Imperfections exist, problems do arise but then, it is only by engineering our way through these problems that we learn to persevere and sacrifice for the family and therefore, live together as a unit.
Though getting enmeshed in such emotional brouhaha is easy, it is definitely not the solution. As I see it, incidents of domestic violence and crime against women are increasing rapidly because somewhere we have ceased being responsible. As women, we aren’t responsible enough to handle our rights, as parents, we aren’t responsible enough about the welfare of our children and as children, and we are just not responsible to the needs and requirements of our parents and/or siblings. Various social, political, economic and legal forces are at play in bringing about such a deplorable state of affairs. The problem being so complicated, solution also cannot be arrived at a jiffy. But if there is to be a beginning, it has to happen through our agencies imparting informal and formal education. Before the heat and the hate generated in families blows us away, we better learn that hate has never really won. Not even in the most ambitious and fantastic of movies.
In the last fortnight, I somehow go to watch a few superhero movies..Indian as well as English. Blessed with powers extraordinaire, the so- called super humans try to maintain the world order and check the anarchist and destructive intentions of the evil powers. Funnily enough, all of these movies have a similar theme. Evil is evil because it has been deprived of tender human emotions which are born and nurtured in a family; be it Voldemort, The green goblin or Skeletor. And our specially endowed superheroes are unfailingly good and kind and courageous for they have been cradled in love and affection. And that is what has made them different, made them special, given them stupendous powers. For the Harry Potters and Spidermen have been loved, have loved back and have lost their loved ones, they realize the value of emotional bonds and risk their very entities to ensure that the same are maintained. And when our superheroes are in mortal danger, it is always the unconditional love of the family/parents which helps them scrape through. Even our homegrown superman Krrish gets a new lease of life out of filial love in the recent edition of the movie series. Of course, all these movies are so much about stunts, technical imagery and mind blowing animations that we rarely notice the finer nuances crafted into them. However, it is a telling point that whatever be the era or the age or circumstance, family and the love that envelopes it can never really go out of fashion.
As students, we read numerous research papers, articles and even entire books committed to the institution of marriage and its natural corollary, family. Of course, there have been numerous debates and contentions, but everyone grudgingly agrees that we may manage without conventional marriages but we just cannot do away with the family. Therefore, it is particularly heart wrenching and distressing to note that now, families have become virtual hot spots of violence. Spouses sparring and warring with each other, children warring amongst themselves or with their parents to the extent of causing mortal harm have become routine. The love of the family which is supposed to light up the sky is actually just not there. All the fermented hate is threatening to burn the social and moral fibre. The sad part is that this sort of anomie, as depicted in all these superhero movies, will only spawn evil. For good to breed and blossom, we need our parents to teach themselves and their children what loving, caring and sharing is all about. Imperfections exist, problems do arise but then, it is only by engineering our way through these problems that we learn to persevere and sacrifice for the family and therefore, live together as a unit.
Though getting enmeshed in such emotional brouhaha is easy, it is definitely not the solution. As I see it, incidents of domestic violence and crime against women are increasing rapidly because somewhere we have ceased being responsible. As women, we aren’t responsible enough to handle our rights, as parents, we aren’t responsible enough about the welfare of our children and as children, and we are just not responsible to the needs and requirements of our parents and/or siblings. Various social, political, economic and legal forces are at play in bringing about such a deplorable state of affairs. The problem being so complicated, solution also cannot be arrived at a jiffy. But if there is to be a beginning, it has to happen through our agencies imparting informal and formal education. Before the heat and the hate generated in families blows us away, we better learn that hate has never really won. Not even in the most ambitious and fantastic of movies.
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