RETIREMENT BLUES

A few days back, I was privy to an informal chat between retired and soon to be retired administrators from bureaucracy and judiciary. I understand that retirement is always a bitter sweet moment- finally, you  have reached that stage in your life where you have achieved all that you could professionally and now you can simply retreat into your cocoon of simple pleasures; also, it is a moment of letting go of a number of privileges you have always held dear for the time has come to move away from the public arena. The Hindu scriptures christened this stage as vanaprastha- the period of life when one retreats into the forests. In modern terminology, its all about going into the wilderness, getting away from the humdrum of daily existence and soothing one’s nerves that have been frayed by the daily pressures of living and life. Of course, one never goes into the forests these days( there are none anyways and if you really have to go, you need to book into a resort) to spend the days of retirement because one just does not retire. Many retired persons find exciting avenues of engaging themselves and actually manage to have a blast in the post retirement phase. Many more prefer a life of quietude in the midst of family and friends. To each his own, basically.

Therefore, I was curious as to what some senior administrators had in mind regarding retirement. My last engagement with a retired person was with my father who had caustically flung away all our worries regarding his post retirement life and our suggestions to engage in some ‘meaningful’ work with the retort that he was retired, not dead and that he would not be bossed over by anybody now, he was a free spirit and he would enjoy life the way he always wanted to but couldn't in all these years. Coming back to that discussion, in a nutshell, I found that the  seniors were haranguing about not getting deluxe rooms in state guest houses or that due courtesies were not extended to them in the public for a post retirement. The best judicial officers and administrators of the time were actually pitching in their brains to devise ways and means to wring  a whole lot of post retirement sops from the government. The idea was that they had given their lives to their respective jobs in the government; now it was payback time.

As I said, to each his own. But still, that doesn't stop me from thinking that this constant clamour for attention, for privileges, more so, when one is retired and comfortably pensioned off, is a tad vulgar. I understand and do agree that we, government servants, give a lot to our jobs sacrificing little pleasures of life. But that is a choice we made early on and we didn't choose to change our choices for reasons best known to us. Though not completely or in full measure, but  still in a big way, the government provides for us to make our lives comfortable. We, the officers in senior ranks, enjoy privileges of housing, vehicles, provident funds etc  all of which are objects of envy of our counterparts in the private sector. I am not comparing the two and not even trying to point out that everything is hunky dory with our job structures and compensation policies. Having said that, I do feel that we are reasonably well taken care of for all the personal sacrifices and efforts we make in our professional spheres to keep the government machinery rolling. And maybe, that is precisely the reason why retired persons screeching for the same perks they enjoyed while being in the service seems to be in a bad taste. As one of my seniors put it beautifully, we need to learn to let go. Yes, we need to learn to let go, to wave that final goodbye and gracefully retire without stirring up a huge fuss.I am sure life is much more beautiful than wasting it pestering over silly privileges of a government vehicle or accommodation in some dak bungalow. What bugged me during that chat was that just nobody was talking about how they wished to utilize their years of experience in the service for some greater or social good. For our retired personnel can be veritable think tanks and their knowledge honed by age and experience can be invaluable in a lot of spheres. It would be a wonderful   if such pettifogging could be dispensed with for we, the youngsters, are keenly watching these super seniors for direction and purpose. They may fade away from the professional arena, but the light left behind lingers. And, they nor we would want a gust of petty, silly wind to blow it all away.

FAMILY-SHALL IT SHINE ON OR BURN OUT?

The banana muffins are baking in the oven and a delicious aroma wafts from the kitchen. And it calms my frayed nerves a little. The past few days have been trying professionally. Amongst other things, I have been really bothered and concerned dealing with the woes of women. This is not the most original thought but nevertheless one can’t help feeling that these days, a woman is most insecure/unsafe within the family or with a loved and trusted one. Day in and day out, one personally hears or gets informed from the media about women being tortured, abused and violated. Domestic violence is on a steep rise and so is crime against women. Rape, murder, kidnapping have become more common than the house sparrow. It galls, frustrates and lets one to think that somewhere, our social institutions are failing miserably. The socio-cultural lag has persisted for too long to be taken as just another process in the entire scheme of social transition. The sight of young women displaying sindoor, red bangles et al- all the possible symbols of marriage with a child held at the hip and springs of tears welling out of eyes narrating the horror tales of their in-laws home makes me nauseous now. And when the gory tale of misery unfolds for the nth time, I curse the institutions of marriage and family for failing yet again to measure up to the expectations and emotional demands of people. Being a student of social sciences notwithstanding, my short stint in this service has been gradually making me a non-believer of sorts in the very social institutions which sanctify a person’s existence in the society. A beloved betrayed, a wife deserted, a child uncared for and unattended to: incidents such as these occurring with alarming regularity don’t inspire one to have much faith in the existing social fabric. And when the mind is animated with cynicism and frustration, alternative models of live-in relationships, open marriages etc seem attractive.


In the last fortnight, I somehow go to watch a few superhero movies..Indian as well as English. Blessed with powers extraordinaire, the so- called super humans try to maintain the world order and check the anarchist and destructive intentions of the evil powers. Funnily enough, all of these movies have a similar theme. Evil is evil because it has been deprived of tender human emotions which are born and nurtured in a family; be it Voldemort, The green goblin or Skeletor. And our specially endowed superheroes are unfailingly good and kind and courageous for they have been cradled in love and affection. And that is what has made them different, made them special, given them stupendous powers. For the Harry Potters and Spidermen have been loved, have loved back and have lost their loved ones, they realize the value of emotional bonds and risk their very entities to ensure that the same are maintained. And when our superheroes are in mortal danger, it is always the unconditional love of the family/parents which helps them scrape through. Even our homegrown superman Krrish gets a new lease of life out of filial love in the recent edition of the movie series. Of course, all these movies are so much about stunts, technical imagery and mind blowing animations that we rarely notice the finer nuances crafted into them. However, it is a telling point that whatever be the era or the age or circumstance, family and the love that envelopes it can never really go out of fashion.

As students, we read numerous research papers, articles and even entire books committed to the institution of marriage and its natural corollary, family. Of course, there have been numerous debates and contentions, but everyone grudgingly agrees that we may manage without conventional marriages but we just cannot do away with the family. Therefore, it is particularly heart wrenching and distressing to note that now, families have become virtual hot spots of violence. Spouses sparring and warring with each other, children warring amongst themselves or with their parents to the extent of causing mortal harm have become routine. The love of the family which is supposed to light up the sky is actually just not there. All the fermented hate is threatening to burn the social and moral fibre. The sad part is that this sort of anomie, as depicted in all these superhero movies, will only spawn evil. For good to breed and blossom, we need our parents to teach themselves and their children what loving, caring and sharing is all about. Imperfections exist, problems do arise but then, it is only by engineering our way through these problems that we learn to persevere and sacrifice for the family and therefore, live together as a unit.

Though getting enmeshed in such emotional brouhaha is easy, it is definitely not the solution. As I see it, incidents of domestic violence and crime against women are increasing rapidly because somewhere we have ceased being responsible. As women, we aren’t responsible enough to handle our rights, as parents, we aren’t responsible enough about the welfare of our children and as children, and we are just not responsible to the needs and requirements of our parents and/or siblings. Various social, political, economic and legal forces are at play in bringing about such a deplorable state of affairs. The problem being so complicated, solution also cannot be arrived at a jiffy. But if there is to be a beginning, it has to happen through our agencies imparting informal and formal education. Before the heat and the hate generated in families blows us away, we better learn that hate has never really won. Not even in the most ambitious and fantastic of movies.